A new years coming rapidly around the corner. The death of one thing always leading to birth of another. A lot has taken place since I last blogged, therefore, i deleted all of my previous entries. My way of thinking and maturity level has changed in many ways causing old entries to be rid of on account of they simply are not what I would like to have on my page. If you got the chance to read those, I'm glad, but I am hoping you will continue to read upcoming blogs. If you have not read my previous blogs, I hope you enjoy the new ones. With all that mumbojumbo said...Hello!
My life is on the edge of drastically changing. I find myself continually growing and experiencing new things. I never thought I would feel myself maturing and changing into a woman. I assumed those things happened to everyone and i would realize it someday while other people acknowledged it on their own. But, i sit here typing, feeling very strongly that the last few months of my life have unfolded in front of me and I have felt growth in every step.
I feel as if my life is at a cross-roads. I move into my first apartment on the first of the year. This new change is not only exciting but a huge milestone in my life. For the first time I will experience freedom in a new form. While this freedom brings responsibility, I am excited to endure whatever this new adventure offers me. I use the word adventure very strategically because that's exactly what i find this to be, an adventure.
Throughout my life i have always pondered the idea of God. I didn't grow up in a church, or in a Christian family. It was not until 8Th grade i started experiencing God. Throughout the years i have wavered in my beliefs. I have "taken the road less traveled" and I have taken the road many of us are taking even today. I have experienced a good amount of bad things and a scarce amount of good. But up till now, I feel that none of that was in my control. Up to this very point, of moving into my own place, everything i have done, experienced, or lived has been somewhat controlled or micromanaged to an extent by someone else.
What i am trying to say is...for once...life is mine for the taking. This transition is more then just a move. Its a step into my own life. Into the person i want to be. A chance to think and experience things for myself. Its time to create myself as a person and start enjoying the adventure I can now call my own and I am more then ready for the ride. But, i must admit, I have felt a void for quite a while in my heart. One that i have not been able to fill with a boyfriend, friends, or family...Just a empty longing for something more. (This is where my God comment comes into play from the previous paragraph.) When i was younger my youth pastor, Pastor Brock, had told me he envisioned me working with women and children. Little did i know, but he was right 100% in what he said. I believe my purpose and calling in life is to counsel women/children in Africa. Africa has a huge hold on my heart and the void that has been so unwilling to be filled is because I have been ignoring my calling for so long. God has recently grabbed a hold of my heart yet again and now I am experiencing him in a new light. I am finding myself longing to have a relationship with Him and longing to be created/molded into the woman I am called to be. I don't want what I feel, think, or experience to be tainted by anyone but God. I am taking an adventure with Him as i take this adventure of moving into my own place. The two perfectly coexist side by side.
So, I openly invite you into my life. Right now i don't have many people allowed inside to be truly honest. I have God, My closest friend Lauren, and my friend Josh. Apart from these people, i don't think anyone truly has a grasp of who i am, and even for Lauren and Josh they have only seen a glimpse. So, those of you who are willing to not judge, be free-spirited, and want to see my story unfold.. I am completely thrilled to know who you are and have you apart of my life.
All Abooarrrd! This trains getting ready to take off.
-Ceara
This touched me on several levels. I feel as if you reached into my mind and took all my thoughts and feelings that I have been thinking and feeling and just wrote them down for me. I've gone off the trail too, but looking back I think it was the best thing that happened to me because I got to see another side of me that I didn't want to be. I don't know if that makes much sense, so i'll put it a different way. I got to make the mistakes I did, that I wouldn't have been able to learn from otherwise. And I needed to make those mistakes to become the person I am now. There was a time when I stopped believing in God, and I thought that with all of the crap he made me go through if he was there, he was a jerk. But as time went on I begin to see that the challenges and road blocks he put in front of me were really just things to make me stronger for the future. And im so thankful that he has done everything he has done for me, and i've found my way back to him. I also get where you are coming from on how there really aren't that many people who know you..the real you. I can say honestly I have one best friend, and I love him to death, but even he doesn't know some of the ghostly stories from my past. There are a few select people that know some of the worst stories, you being one of them, but not a single person on earth knows the darkest things that I hide. I am not sure why I hide them, it's not because I am ashamed but I think rather because I don't want to unload those on other people. And lastly I want to say that I think it is really amazing what you want to do ... I can't wait to see your story
ReplyDeleteanonymous- I am so glad to hear my words can touch you so close to your heart. I do want to say the Enemy will hide secrets in a persons heart to bear them down as burdens and use them as chains to keep away Gods freedom and peace. I would really encourage you to talk to someone about these things. If that person is me, i will be praying God uses me and speaks through me to your heart. I am sure your story is unique as Gods plan for you is unique as well. I hope you stick with me and im excited to have you on board.
ReplyDeleteWith Love,
Ceara
Thank you, I am excited to be on board. And I will think about what you said...
ReplyDeleteYAY! Another post! I've been patiently hoping and praying that you would continue to write. Your words are always so powerful to me and help me to rethink my own decisions about involving God in my life. It seems that whatever you write is exactly what I need to hear or it's something new I've never thought about. So looking forward to reading more posts. :)
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