A new years coming rapidly around the corner. The death of one thing always leading to birth of another. A lot has taken place since I last blogged, therefore, i deleted all of my previous entries. My way of thinking and maturity level has changed in many ways causing old entries to be rid of on account of they simply are not what I would like to have on my page. If you got the chance to read those, I'm glad, but I am hoping you will continue to read upcoming blogs. If you have not read my previous blogs, I hope you enjoy the new ones. With all that mumbojumbo said...Hello!
My life is on the edge of drastically changing. I find myself continually growing and experiencing new things. I never thought I would feel myself maturing and changing into a woman. I assumed those things happened to everyone and i would realize it someday while other people acknowledged it on their own. But, i sit here typing, feeling very strongly that the last few months of my life have unfolded in front of me and I have felt growth in every step.
I feel as if my life is at a cross-roads. I move into my first apartment on the first of the year. This new change is not only exciting but a huge milestone in my life. For the first time I will experience freedom in a new form. While this freedom brings responsibility, I am excited to endure whatever this new adventure offers me. I use the word adventure very strategically because that's exactly what i find this to be, an adventure.
Throughout my life i have always pondered the idea of God. I didn't grow up in a church, or in a Christian family. It was not until 8Th grade i started experiencing God. Throughout the years i have wavered in my beliefs. I have "taken the road less traveled" and I have taken the road many of us are taking even today. I have experienced a good amount of bad things and a scarce amount of good. But up till now, I feel that none of that was in my control. Up to this very point, of moving into my own place, everything i have done, experienced, or lived has been somewhat controlled or micromanaged to an extent by someone else.
What i am trying to say is...for once...life is mine for the taking. This transition is more then just a move. Its a step into my own life. Into the person i want to be. A chance to think and experience things for myself. Its time to create myself as a person and start enjoying the adventure I can now call my own and I am more then ready for the ride. But, i must admit, I have felt a void for quite a while in my heart. One that i have not been able to fill with a boyfriend, friends, or family...Just a empty longing for something more. (This is where my God comment comes into play from the previous paragraph.) When i was younger my youth pastor, Pastor Brock, had told me he envisioned me working with women and children. Little did i know, but he was right 100% in what he said. I believe my purpose and calling in life is to counsel women/children in Africa. Africa has a huge hold on my heart and the void that has been so unwilling to be filled is because I have been ignoring my calling for so long. God has recently grabbed a hold of my heart yet again and now I am experiencing him in a new light. I am finding myself longing to have a relationship with Him and longing to be created/molded into the woman I am called to be. I don't want what I feel, think, or experience to be tainted by anyone but God. I am taking an adventure with Him as i take this adventure of moving into my own place. The two perfectly coexist side by side.
So, I openly invite you into my life. Right now i don't have many people allowed inside to be truly honest. I have God, My closest friend Lauren, and my friend Josh. Apart from these people, i don't think anyone truly has a grasp of who i am, and even for Lauren and Josh they have only seen a glimpse. So, those of you who are willing to not judge, be free-spirited, and want to see my story unfold.. I am completely thrilled to know who you are and have you apart of my life.
All Abooarrrd! This trains getting ready to take off.
-Ceara
